I’m a little disappointed in myself for not using this blog very much, so today I’m going to talk about WHY. In short, I was afraid to post anything that contained anything more than fluff pieces because someone actually threatened me with not promoting or talking about my products based on an opinion that I wrote here. The exact details of the conversation aren’t important. What is important is that it was over an extremely trivial issue, and I let the threat and overall conversation influence me and actually make me gun-shy.
It isn’t as though this particular topic hasn’t come up before. It has. It’s been a revolving theme since I started to sell things online. However, before, it was always about very deeply held beliefs and opinions that are of a very serious nature. Things like whether or not to create greeting cards that specifically target atheists. I’ve been avoiding the subject for a while now, mainly because there are very good reasons for responding either way. Withholding my opinions does nothing to change how people feel about atheists, while freely spreading those opinions puts me up as a target, and could potentially lose me business. As a result, I’ve sat on the fence, unwilling to decide one way or another.
Then, a couple of weeks back, someone on the internet got his panties in a wad because he disagreed with me on a point in one of my first blog posts. This extremely trivial point of personal preference offended him so greatly that he felt the need to inform me. Publicly. Not very nicely, and with a not-so-subtle threat that he (and presumably others like him) would cease to purchase my products because of this opinion.
My pride was naturally hurt, but at the time I decided to take it on the chin and not let mere wounded pride get in the way of reason. There is something to be said for humility, after all, and I’m still new at this. So, I changed the post. I caved.
Ever since then, I’ve been unhappy with myself. It took me a little while to work through the simple wounded pride to get to the real crux of the issue: I let someone on the internet bully me. That’s not me. I don’t do that. When I finally realized what had really happened – and worse, that I LET it happen – I admit I became rather angry with myself. I spent much of my life being bullied by people who claimed to love me. I finally stood up to all of them. Fuck, why was I letting some random douche on the internet do the same thing?
The anger and the hurt acted like a catalyst. I started thinking about the issue nearly all the time. It invaded the corners and recesses of my brain like a slowly spreading virus. I started several posts about several things and abandoned them all because I hadn’t decided whether or not I’d hide my opinions or let them fly. When the dust started to settle, I realized something.
Hiding my opinions because I’m afraid of the repercussions is letting the bullies win.
I’m opinionated. I swear a lot. Sometimes I’m loud. I bluntly point out that things are stupid when they are, in fact, stupid. I argue with people about points that I think are worth arguing about, and I get disappointed when those people can’t defend their own statements (or won’t, another reason why I hated myself for caving in to the bully). I like to talk about the deep things in life, and even the not-so-deep things in life.
In the end, having a personality is better than not having a personality. I may just make greeting cards and notepads, and paper things … but this is my art, and this is part of my life. It’s worth more to me than whatever customers I might lose for having opinions that make me more interesting than drying paint.
If the things that I say are so offensive to you that you don’t want to buy my products, support me, link to me, or have anything to do with me, then I support your decision. Fully. Go ahead. Seriously. I don’t shop at Walmart, after all, for very similar reasons.
Above all, however, don’t bully me. Disagree with me, fine. Argue your side, also fine. But don’t tell me you know better than I do what’s good for my business. Doing so just makes you look like a condescending douchebag, and I’ll treat you like one.
Stacysaurus Rex Destroys the World 
digitaldraco
December 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm
*cheers*
*waves flags*
*throws confetti*
I will always be in favor of speaking up for oneself. Especially when others try to use dirty tactics to prevent it.
Ensignexpendable
December 15, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I wasn’t privy to the conversation that triggered this but I can see two ways that it would have gone. First is the straight out arsehole threat but I’m doubting that would have had such an effect on you. The second is more likely and is the more “I’m doing you a favour, because I’m a big fish and you’re not.” way of talking that you get so often in small internet communities. That kind of arrogance, couched as kindness, can’t help but get under your skin. Whichever it is, I say bravo for picking yourself up and saying “Fuck you!” You’re your own person, on your own little bit of the internet and I respect you for it. These people might be perfectly good for you to read their blog or even communicate with them on their turf and terms, but when they deal with others and poke their noses in they show a different side.
The other positive here is that when someone says that they’re not going to promote your products because of something you believe then it’s entirely possible that they aren’t your target customer, and the subset of those that are listening to them that are will hear about you through other channels. So if you’ve identified who *isn’t* your target customer then you’ve gone some way to identifying who is. This is better than a lot of professional marketers or small business owners and helps you focus your efforts better and not worry about putting off people you are probably better not selling to anyway. Insert any number of entries from Seth Godin’s blog to help clarify and support that.
Well done and good luck.
Stacy D.
December 16, 2011 at 8:34 am
Yeah, it was the ‘favor’ sort of response. Like I was some sort of shy little girl that needed to be taken under the wing of someone much smarter and much more active in this particular community. It’s surprising to me how many of these people not only get away with being this cocky and condescending, but somehow also garner a relatively large following in the process.
You actually hit on something I’ve been working on a lot as of late, too … finding the appropriate target customer and then marketing toward them. I made the mistake, at the beginning of my Etsy career, of following Etsy’s advice on how to market. I’ve been steadily trying to wheedle down to an audience of people who won’t just look at and like the things that I sell, but who will actually purchase them. As you might guess, I’ve been pretty successful, enough that I’m working on a blog entry specifically about this topic and how Etsy’s advice on marketing actually steers you AWAY from finding your target audience.
Thanks for the RT, and coming to comment! I’ve been up to my ears in orders, so today was the first time I could say that. 🙂